My themes of equilibrium continue this week as I discuss the ultra-complicated topic of the masculine and feminine. There are so many dualities in our lives that often times we tend to only acknowledge their complexities when we slip too far into one part of ourselves. On my Instagram live yesterday, I spoke about some of the common themes that kept recurring over the weekend – one of which was the balance of both masculine and feminine energy. Within the last week, I have come to recognize that I haven’t been tapping into my divine Virgo feminine energy as much as I probably need to in order to feel a balance in my whole self. Ever since I left my previous business partnership and have done a lot of work with Free + Native’s unblock workshops, I have noticed that my masculine energy has been at the forefront of my consciousness. My decisions, daily actions, movements, and overall appeal reflect my masculine Sagittarius energy so much that I felt so worn out throughout the month of April. A lot of my inner conflict with the balance of the two seem to explain why I have felt so inadequate when the ebb and flow of running a business came to an exhaustingly, slow month. I want to shed a little light on a proper explanation of these two energies and how they represent themselves on the skin. Using this guide can help you not only improve a potentially exhausted complexion but help you get to the root of a potential energetic imbalance.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve felt pretty girly. I love aesthetic in every sense of the word including the small details of an art piece to the design of putting yourself together with a great outfit. I was literally drawn to a profession in which my state license proclaims me as an “esthetician”. It’s something I value, indulge in, and is at the root of my being. I also have an empathetic, highly sensitive, nurturing, and deeply emotional component to my being. I feel and love very deeply to the point where I often feel most comfortable retreating into privacy as an inward practice of self-love. However, if I do a little more inventory into my life’s patterning I do notice that there are pockets of time in which a more masculine energy has popped up in my personality, completely throwing off some of the people surrounding me. I’ve coined this my Hayley hulk persona where I can get boss bitch tough and you certainly don’t want to mess with me. This is the part of my personality that I have to tap into in order to run a business, confront others with uncomfortable conversation, and essentially put myself out there with. It wasn’t until I had my first chart reading with Danielle Beinstein where I learned how both of those parts of me didn’t make me an undiagnosed multiple personality disorder, but rather just a juxtaposition of both masculine and feminine in my astrological natal chart. My sun sign of Virgo makes me divinely feminine and my rising sign of Sagittarius makes me a boss. The combination of the two makes me a great business owner in my field, however, if I’m not careful I will either be labeled as “emotional” or a “bitch” – which I’m immune to and practically welcome at this point. So instead of just accepting this labeling as my being, it does dawn on me that these two parts of my personality do need a bit of balance in order to flow with the rhythms of my life.
I had a very difficult month of both wanting to retreat and needing to be seen. Last week, I had two of my events planned for months fall through. I’ve also had an extremely difficult time navigating feedback that was constructive, yet I took personally. I also was hit with a huge amount of grief that I barely knew how to navigate and fell into my most comfortable emotion of anger for. As someone who has a sluggish liver, this is a very normal part of my constitution however in the past I would have brilliantly placed on a band-aid on the hurt and fronted with the anger as a defense mechanism. This time around the band-aid of escapism wasn’t something I wanted to cycle with again, I wanted to feel my emotions. I chose self-care which led me fully feel the duality of my personality. My masculine was so frustrated with me for not being overbooked, navigating every marketing tactic for my new online program, showing up and being seen! My feminine side wanted to shelter my emotional fragility in a safe, private space in which I could fully feel safe to release and just be.
When my second event of the week rescheduled last week, I got very vulnerable and honest with myself about how I wasn’t sure what was going on. I spoke with a leader in my community that acknowledged my vulnerability and recognized my need to be soft and potentially unseen as a version of my feminine energy coming through, gently asking me to nurture and care for myself. I finally felt like I was given the permission I needed to not feel like a failure and more so as a universal test to go inward and restore.