I was getting non-stop tested that controlling outcomes are not a possibility in this unpredictable world. My instincts were connected to a deeply seeded thought pattern that if I don’t make everyone happy and overdeliver on my promise, then I fail completely. That’s when I realized that further success could lead to bigger opportunity to fail and that was terrifying. This made me want to stop succeeding and give up on what I’ve been working on my whole life. I decided to break down what was important to me and that came down to a short list of things. The list included:
And once I saw this list and the order it naturally would come out of me, I realized that not only am I the common denominator in it all, I’m also placing the most important values last. The values that I try to teach my clients and followers to trust and honor first and foremost. So I wasn’t walking the walk.
I worked almost everyday in June where I made almost 3x more money than an average month would typically bring in. Instead of paying off my business credit card or putting that extra money into savings, I made the un-Hayley like choice to just live off of this extra boost of funds so I didn’t have to work too much. July became a month of just organizing and catching up on all the items that I fell so behind on. You see, when I first started my business, it was purely out of survival. I needed to do it as fast as I could get people in the door, so many structures were not set up for long-term success. This includes basic administrative automations, financial streamlining and goals, and a business plan. I come from a background of just doing the work and going home so when I started adding in all sorts of other titles to my name (educator, writer, speaker, boss, dog mom etc.) I kept finding myself falling short. I had the survivalist mentality so ingrained in my brain and body that I didn’t know another way.
It’s all very possible for me to manage everything but the biggest discovery that I made was that everything is connected to me (remember, I’m the therapeutic skin coach!). And if I’m not well, or happy, or focused, or anything other than abundant, I will never catch up.
That’s when the shift started.
If I am depleted, how can I get pregnant? If I am exhausted, how can I educate? If I am anxious, how can I nurture? I’ve done a great job at faking it for so long but I realized that I don’t want to fake it. I want to come into myself and reassess my priorities where happiness is first.
I started to take note of what felt good and what didn’t. My body had been telling me all along but I genuinely didn’t know how to support it other than just escape through food, wine, weed, and binge watching bad tv. Luckily, Josie is a huge part of this where she helps me stay in the moment and my priorities have to shift according to her needs as well. She’s the greatest blessing and teaches me love everyday. Once I had taken a fair amount of inventory of what works and doesn’t work for me, I looked at each part of my business, home life, and health so that I can create actionable steps and establish boundaries.
This hasn’t been easy. I say no to clients I love but can’t push myself to squeeze in during my off time. I actually take time off, which was not heard of before. I set limits on screen time and push deadlines if I need more time. I am the boss of my life and my business will only do as well as I feel. That connection and it’s immediate shift created the most beautiful affirmation from the universe. I started to attract solutions to my longest standing problems, people were respectful of my needs, I reconnected with family that I thought had permanently broken ties with me, I ate better, I slept better, I felt calm and my work felt joyful again. At the end of it all, I rebirthed the business into a much more attainable practice that fully represents my ideals and values. My brain is less foggy than it’s been in years. My body feels less inflamed. And I’m making more strides with clients than I have in the last year.
This rebirth has allowed me to see the perspectives of those who shed judgement on my choices, because it’s all a projection. And I’m calm enough to see it without fighting it. I have immense gratitude for the privilege I have to create my own work schedule because I worked my ass off to get here. I’ll never slack off but I’ll definitely surrender a little more to the natural flow and rhythm of this crazy little thing called life.
I hope this inspires you to realize how abundant you can be when you are taking care of you. This means shedding the negative self-talk, setting up positive boundaries, and honoring yourself in every aspect of life. TRUST ME WHEN I SAY – this mindset will help your skin, your body, your emotions, and your whole trajectory. And guess what, you deserve that, just like I do.
Thank you for sticking it out and I hope to bring more blogs to you soon. Feel free to comment below on any special topics you’d like for me to write about. xo – Hayley