While waiting at the Providence TF Green airport last month, accidentally two hours early for my flight to Charleston, I had the privilege of sitting and chatting with a 26 year old male naval officer. Somehow after talking about what we do for a living we got on the subject of feminism and gender in life and the military. Sitting there with my sauvignon blanc and a pizza I offered to shared with him, I was frankly in blissful shock to witness the maturity, intelligence, humility and grounded masculinity this young man embodied.
His easeful, respectful and informed perspective made it seem simple, unbiased and clear how equality could exist in such a gender charged world. While waves of pure joy and hope for a different kind of future washed over me, just sitting there cheezin’ with the biggest smile on my face, I asked him, “What is the dream after you leave the navy? What would you do?” And I will never forget his response. It resonated into the deepest parts of my heart. He said, “I will love and support my amazing, brilliant girlfriend” (who had just graduated dentistry school and the reason he was flying to Charleston.)
With out a sliver of ego, no “look at how great a guy I am”, without a minutes hesitation, without shame, without a caveat (I will support her until I do…. or while I try and accomplish…) with a sincerity and humility that rocked me to my core, this 26 year old man showed me (outside of a movie) that choosing to cherish and support a woman was a life goal and dream worthy of owning and celebrating.
Thank you Kyle for the indelible mark you made on me that day. For opening my world to possibility I had to experience to truly believe.
I wrote this in April and knew that it was meant to be shared in its own divine time and that time is now.
I want to be cherished and treated like a goddess.
Not because I am special
Which I am
Not because I am a woman
Which is reason enough
But because that is the kind of love I give.
And I deserve what I give.
Opening the doors of my heart, actively dating with the intention of finding a primary partner inside of ethical non-monogamy has been both beautiful and challenging. Meeting wonderful men who embody many things I love and value but just aren’t quite the right fit and going through that wave of hope and disappointment again and again leaves the heart feeling a little tender after a while. Last night a man said to me, “you’re a lot to handle”. A previous partner once said, “you’re a hard woman to love” and what has landed for me today after a quiet day with myself is that yes I am am a lot to handle, for the wrong person. And yes, I am a hard woman to love, for the wrong person.
Making myself less or smaller so as not to intimidate or to try and avoid making another feel like they are not enough is not an option. The only partner I am available for is the person who will cherish me like a dream. To support my bigness, my wildness, my radiance, who cherishes the depths of my love, who as my beautiful friend Lara says, will revel in the challenge of being worthy of me.
As women, so often we don’t own, celebrate and revel in our brilliance and our magic. We make ourselves smaller as if that is the trick to being liked. We often settle and compromise our needs to be loved. The deepest, purest, most devoted love I have ever known is the love I have for myself and I choose not to compromise or abandon that love. For it is that love for myself that will help to create a beautiful partnership with the right person.
All my love,
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